Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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