Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Shame - the story of my life.
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