My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
