The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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