I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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