I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
People in love make me want to vomit
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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