He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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