:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize