i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
