D3 body, D1 cock
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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