Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
50% drunk capacity currently
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
