i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize