i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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