My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
