Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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