I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
