If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The best revenge is premature balding
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
