some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
