great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
