He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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