why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
