This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
