I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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