He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
