he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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