Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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