I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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