How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
