I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
