I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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