next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
