Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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