We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
