Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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