When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
