i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
