At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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