I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
