yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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