if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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