threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
