i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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