I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
