O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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