Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
