when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
