dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
