hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
