shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
