i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
