I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
