puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
