yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
