dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
