Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
