Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize