I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize