Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
