it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
