erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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