he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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