Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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