I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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