Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
