I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i will never coherently bang her
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
