We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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