I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
