shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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