so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize