Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
