So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
