I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
