Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
