I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dignity is for republicans.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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