Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
