So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
