I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
