I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
