I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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