woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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