So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
