omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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