I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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