sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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