He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
