are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
