she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
