He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
