The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
