wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
