I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
