I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
