if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
and eventually we just all took our pants off
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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