When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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