theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
