Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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