in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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