My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
