So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
