I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
