I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
