Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize