my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
