i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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