I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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