did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize