Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
