somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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